After a bereavement

Bereavement |  After a bereavement

A - Z of Feelings OFTEN EXPERIENCED AFTER A MAJOR LOSS A. Anger, anxiety, apathy, absent minded B. Bizarre behaviour, bitterness, blame, beautiful C. Confusion, ceasing to function, crying, chaotic, calling out D. Disbelief, dreaming, day dreaming, depression, denial, despair E. Exhausted, empty arms F. Frightened, fatigue, fog, finality, forgetful, frustration G. Guilty, grief H. Happy, hallucinations, helplessness, hurting I. Isolated, intense feelings/thoughts, if onlys, injured, intact J. Joyless K. Needing kindness L. Lonely, lethargy, lost, listlessness, lack of feelings M. Miserable madness, mourning N. Nauseous, numbness, nightmares O. Overeating, overwhelmed P. Preoccupied, pain, everything is pointless Q. Quiet, questioning R. Relief, rage, rejection, regret, restlessness, regression, S. Sadness, shock, searching, screaming, self reproach, sleeplessness, sighing, sense of presents, swallowing, sobbing T. Tearful, traumatised, tired, thinking U. Unhappy, unwell, unreal, uncoupled V. Great void, visions W. Weepy, Why me? Why him? Why us? X. Xhausted! Y. Yearning Z. zzzzzzzzzzz

IDEAS WHICH MIGHT HELP AN ADULT AFTER A DEATH These ideas may help some people and not others. They are in no particular order, some will be more useful early on in the bereavement, while others could not be considered for some months or years. Press some flowers from the funeral flowers, or make up some posies to give to friends. Ask the undertaker to take some of the funeral flowers to a local hospital, hospice, or old peoples home. Love yourself....be gentle with yourself Leave some jobs to do at the weekend, so there is something to do to fill what my be an empty time. Just set a tiny goal to achieve everyday Accept peoples offer of help, kindness and concern Try and get a little physical exercise every week Use some instant meals sometimes or 'takeaways', to give yourself an evening off cooking . Get a cat or a dog, this will not replace the dead person, but they can be company, and give a small new focus in life. Dogs need exercise, so get one out of the house and give gentle exercise to the owner as well as the dog. In time use the knowledge you have gained through the death, to help others. Take up something creative. Put together an album about the person who has died. Find someone outside the family who you can talk to about what has happened and about your feelings Get a relaxation tape. Knowing that people find it difficult to speak to you, go and greet them, speak about the dead person, they may feel that if they mention the dead persons name it may remind you of them, they do not realise that you think about them all the time !!! Seek advice from your G.P. if you are not sleeping well, or feeling that you are not coping. If you have some unanswered questions about the death, go back to your consultant or G.P and ask them again what happened. Wear a Dragonfly Pin TESSA WILKINSON

HURDLES Birthday anniversaries Deathday anniversaries Going back to work Coming home from work CHRISTMAS...seeing things in the shops which you know they would have liked.....preparing for a 'happy' time when you feel sad...Christmas cards.. writing them, do you include the dead person, or do you leave them out? One way to get around this is to write 'from all of us', that way the dead person is included without being named...receiving cards that include the dead persons name...receiving cards that do not include the dead person's name. Coming home to an empty house, especial after a holiday. Laying an extra place at the table Clearing up the bedroom, clothes. All allowances stopping,(especially if the person has been ill/disabled)...lack of money Weekends Meeting people who ask you how the dead person is.. People who ask insensitive things like.. 'Do you feel better'... ' Never mind she had a good life'....one person had a new expression for those he met ..'engage brain before opening mouth' Family gatherings Weddings Children in the family saying...'I want my Mum/Dad to come back'...'I want someone to play with'... 'I do not like being on my own', 'I want to go to heaven' Long lonely evenings The stone being put on the grave Having to cope with all the things that the person who has died would have done

Bereavement |  After a bereavement